Robert's Review

"Epic Movie" is written and directed by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, the same two guys that brought us "Date Movie" last year. They were also two of the six writers behind "Scary Movie" and its sequels. This time around, "Epic Movie" pokes fun at movies such as "Pirates of the Caribbean 2," "Happy Potter," "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "X-Men 2," but it centers itself around "Chronicles of Narnia." The story goes something like this... four orphans visit a chocolate factory and are transported to the wonderful land of Gnarnia (which is spelled with a G 'for legal purposes') after stumbling upon Charlie's enchanted wardrobe. There, they battle pirates, encounter Hogwarts' wizards and attempt to defeat Gnarnia's dastardly White Bitch. I'm sure that on paper, the idea sounded pretty good (especially to the movie's investors), but "Epic Movie" was a total disaster. It's not funny or entertaining in the slightest. It's more like 98 minute of cinematic torture with a few pity laughs thrown in. Usually, my movie reviews are a lot longer and more detailed, however "Epic Movie" is so dreadfully awful that it doesn't even deserve a review... and  having written this much already is simply being nice and should be more than sufficient to warn people to stay clear of this box office disaster. 

All in all, I'd give this movie 1 STAR. Re-watch value: NONE

The twisted minds of two of the six writers of "Scary Movie" tackle the biggest mega-blockbusters of all time in "Epic Movie." The story centers on four not-so-young orphans: Lucy (Jayma Mays) raised by a curator at the Louvre (where an albino assassin lurks), Edward (Kal Penn) a refugee from Mexican "libre" wrestling, Susan (Faune A. Chambers) a recent victim of snakes on her plane, Peter (Adam Campbell) a "normal" resident of a mutant "X"-community. The hapless quartet visits a chocolate factory, where they stumble into an enchanted wardrobe that transports them to the land of Gnarnia (with a "G"). There they meet a flamboyant pirate Captain Jack Swallows (Darrell Hammond) and earnest students of wizardry Harry Potter (Kevin McDonald), Ron (George Alvarez) and Hermoine (Crista Flanagan) – they join forces with, among others, a wise-but-horny lion Aslo (Fred Willard) to defeat the evil White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge) (yes Stiflers mom) of Gnarnia. 

I must say that I was not disappointed... I had low expectations of this movie going in and it was right on target.  The movie is totally slap stick humor with very little jokes thrown in, and those that were just didn't work out.  The acting was horrible, the plot idiotic, and the story just absurd.  I am sure however that there will be some folks out there who really like this movie (maybe a 10 year old), however to me it was the worst movie these folks have ever put out.  I am sorry to say this is the first movie that I wish Rob and I had a negative rating system for.  I believe one of our readers suggesting rubbing manure in our eyes because it's quicker and less painful than watching this movie…I wish I would have listened. 

Overall Rating: 1 (out of 5); Re-Watch Value: None (there isn't enough booze in the world).

courtesy
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